# My child fights bedtime every night and it takes hours. How do I make it stop?

> Bedtime battles that last for hours run on a loop: every protest that works buys
> a few more minutes. The direction of the fix, the research behind it, and when to
> call the pediatrician. Alexis Davis, LICSW, parenting consultation, Medford MA
> and Greater Boston; video across Massachusetts. Free 15-minute call:
> (339) 545-1005.

Markdown version of https://yourfamilytools.com/answers/bedtime-battles-every-night -- see /llms.txt for the site map.

One more book. One more glass of water. One more hug, and then the door opens
again at 9:40. You've tried reasoning, bribing, and lying on the floor until they
fall asleep, and it still takes hours. You're not failing, and your child isn't
broken. Bedtime battles are one of the most fixable problems I see.

## What the stalling is doing

Every request that works buys a few more minutes with you, and a few more minutes
is exactly what your child wants. If a protest earns another story even some of
the time, it's worth trying every night. Your child isn't manipulating you. They've
learned which moves pay off, the way any of us would.

## Make the night predictable

A child who never knows how bedtime will end keeps testing it. The fix starts
before lights out: the same short routine, in the same order, at the same time,
every night. When the steps never change, your child has less to argue about.

## Take the payoff out of the protests

After lights out, stalling stops paying off: no extra rounds, no negotiating,
the same calm, boring response every time. The exact steps depend on your
child's age and your home, and that's what we work out together in our sessions.
I have two boys, and I know how long a night feels when you're the one guarding
the hallway. Those nights go better when your own tank isn't empty, so guard an
hour for yourself, too.

## Why I do it this way

1. **The same calm response every night.** A task force of the American Academy
   of Sleep Medicine reviewed 52 studies: 94% of them found that behavioral
   treatment worked, and over 80% of the children treated got better and stayed
   better for 3 to 6 months. Source: Mindell, Kuhn, Lewin, Meltzer and Sadeh,
   Sleep, 2006. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17068979/
2. **Keep a nightly routine.** Across 10,085 young children in more than a dozen
   countries, the more nights a family kept a bedtime routine, the better the
   children slept, and children with a regular routine had fewer behavior problems
   during the day. Source: Mindell, Li, Sadeh, Kwon and Goh, Sleep, 2015.
   https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25325483/
3. **Check for snoring.** The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends screening
   every child for snoring, which is why snoring is first on the list below.
   Source: Marcus and colleagues, Pediatrics, 2012.
   https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22926173/

## When to call your pediatrician instead

Call your pediatrician if your child snores most nights or struggles to breathe
while asleep, if they're very sleepy or irritable during the day even after a full
night in bed, or if the sleep trouble started along with other big changes in
mood, speech, or health. Those are a doctor's questions. This page is parenting
consultation, not therapy and not a diagnosis.

## 15 minutes, free

Tell me what's going on, and I'll tell you how I can help. https://yourfamilytools.com/contact