# My child lies about everything, even little things. How do I stop it?

> Lying that seems to cover everything usually runs on fear: the harsher the
> reaction, the better kids hide. The fix, the research behind it, and when to
> call the pediatrician. Alexis Davis, LICSW, parenting consultation, Medford MA
> and Greater Boston; video across Massachusetts. Free 15-minute call:
> (339) 545-1005.

Markdown version of https://yourfamilytools.com/answers/child-lies-about-everything -- see /llms.txt for the site map.

Homework done? Yes. Who broke the lamp? Not me. Now even "I brushed my teeth"
comes out as a story, and you've stopped believing any of it. It stings, and it
doesn't mean you're raising a dishonest kid. Lying is a normal part of growing
up, and it's one of the most workable things parents bring me.

## What the lie is doing

Most lies from school-age kids have one job: staying out of trouble. A child who
expects a big reaction to the truth learns that a story is the safer bet.
Harsher punishment makes kids lie better, not less.

## Make the truth worth telling

The fix is making honesty pay. When your child comes clean, you notice the truth
itself, and the consequence for what they did is lighter than if you'd caught
them in the lie. Skip questions you already know the answer to; a trap is one
more chance to practice lying. How that fits your family is what we work out
together in our sessions.

## Keep your reaction steady

Your child weighs every confession against the face they expect to see. When
their truth meets a calm face, even when you're upset, telling you starts to
feel safe, and trust comes back in small pieces. My two boys are young, and I
already know the look that says "it wasn't me" before a word comes out. You'll
stay calmer when you've had some room of your own: a walk with a friend, an hour
nobody else gets.

## Why I do it this way

1. **Why harsh punishment backfires.** In a natural experiment with 84 West
   African 3- and 4-year-olds, children from a punitive school lied about
   peeking at a toy more often than children from a nonpunitive school, and kept
   the lie up better under follow-up questions. Source: Talwar and Lee, Child
   Development, 2011. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22023095/
2. **Show what honesty earns.** In a study of 3- to 7-year-olds, the George
   Washington cherry-tree story, which shows honesty paying off, made children
   more truthful, while Pinocchio and The Boy Who Cried Wolf, which show lying
   punished, did not. Source: Lee and colleagues, Psychological Science, 2014.
   https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24928424/
3. **Lying grows with age; asking kindly helps.** In 372 children aged 4 to 8,
   older children were more likely to lie, a normal step in growing up, and
   children told the truth more when an adult simply said they would be happy to
   hear it. Source: Talwar and colleagues, Journal of Experimental Child
   Psychology, 2015. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25447716/

## When to call your pediatrician instead

Talk to your pediatrician if the lying comes with stealing, setting fires,
cruelty to people or animals, or serious trouble at school, or if your child's
mood or behavior has changed suddenly. Those are a doctor's questions. This page
is parenting consultation, not therapy and not a diagnosis.

## 15 minutes, free

Tell me what's going on, and I'll tell you how I can help. https://yourfamilytools.com/contact