A straight answer
Getting out the door every morning is a fight. How do I make mornings easier?
Alexis Davis, LICSW. Parenting consultation, Medford MA and Greater Boston.
Seven minutes to go. One shoe is on, breakfast is half eaten, and you've said "teeth" five times. By the time you reach the car you've snapped, and your child is in tears or has stopped moving. Your child isn't out to ruin your morning, and you haven't lost your touch. Mornings can get easier.
Why the clock makes it worse
You feel the deadline, and your child doesn't. As the clock runs down your voice tightens, and a child who feels that pressure slows down or melts down instead of hurrying. You both leave the house running hot.
What the dawdling gets your child
When your child stalls, you come over, coax, and often put the socks on yourself. That's a lot of you, up close, for doing nothing, so on a rushed morning the slowest child gets the most of your attention.
Make the morning run itself
The fix is a morning that runs the same way every day, so the routine does the reminding instead of you. Then getting ready, not stalling, becomes the way to get your warmth. How that fits your child's age and your schedule is what we build in our sessions. I have two boys, and I know how long seven minutes can feel. Patience at 7:45 comes easier to a parent who's had some time of their own, so that counts as part of the fix too.
Why I do it this way
None of this is my opinion. Each step comes from programs with decades of research behind them. Here is the research, in plain words, with the study under each one.
Why a calmer morning matters
A review of 112 studies found that disorganized, chaotic homes were consistently linked with worse outcomes for children, parents, and families, so the fix calms the morning instead of just speeding it up.
The parenting program I draw on
A review of 55 studies found that Triple P improved parenting skills, children's behavior, and parents' own well-being by small to moderate amounts, so the fix is meant to help you too.
Source: Nowak and Heinrichs, Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 2008
Check sleep
After reviewing 864 published articles, the American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends 10 to 13 hours, including naps, at ages 3 to 5 and 9 to 12 hours at ages 6 to 12, and links regularly sleeping less with attention, behavior, and learning problems, which is why sleep is first on the list below.
Source: Paruthi and colleagues, Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 2016
When to call your pediatrician instead
Talk to your pediatrician if your child is hard to wake most mornings or regularly sleeps less than the hours above, if the fights come with stomachaches or dread on school days, or if teachers see the same trouble getting started at school. Those are a doctor's questions. This page is parenting consultation, not therapy and not a diagnosis.