# Getting out the door every morning is a fight. How do I make mornings easier?

> Mornings turn into fights when the clock raises everyone's temperature and
> stalling pays off. Why that happens, the fix, the research behind it, and
> when to call the pediatrician. Alexis Davis, LICSW, parenting consultation,
> Medford MA and Greater Boston; video across Massachusetts. Free 15-minute
> call: (339) 545-1005.

Markdown version of https://yourfamilytools.com/answers/morning-battles-out-the-door -- see /llms.txt for the site map.

Seven minutes to go. One shoe is on, breakfast is half eaten, and you've said
"teeth" five times. By the time you reach the car you've snapped, and your child
is in tears or has stopped moving. Your child isn't out to ruin your morning,
and you haven't lost your touch. Mornings can get easier.

## Why the clock makes it worse

You feel the deadline, and your child doesn't. As the clock runs down your voice
tightens, and a child who feels that pressure slows down or melts down instead
of hurrying. You both leave the house running hot.

## What the dawdling gets your child

When your child stalls, you come over, coax, and often put the socks on
yourself. That's a lot of you, up close, for doing nothing, so on a rushed
morning the slowest child gets the most of your attention.

## Make the morning run itself

The fix is a morning that runs the same way every day, so the routine does the
reminding instead of you. Then getting ready, not stalling, becomes the way to
get your warmth. How that fits your child's age and your schedule is what we
build in our sessions. I have two boys, and I know how long seven minutes can
feel. Patience at 7:45 comes easier to a parent who's had some time of their
own, so that counts as part of the fix too.

## Why I do it this way

1. **Why a calmer morning matters.** A review of 112 studies found that
   disorganized, chaotic homes were consistently linked with worse outcomes for
   children, parents, and families, so the fix calms the morning instead of just
   speeding it up. Source: Marsh, Dobson and Maddison, BMC Public Health, 2020.
   https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32316937/
2. **The parenting program I draw on.** A review of 55 studies found that Triple
   P improved parenting skills, children's behavior, and parents' own well-being
   by small to moderate amounts, so the fix is meant to help you too. Source:
   Nowak and Heinrichs, Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 2008.
   https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18509758/
3. **Check sleep.** After reviewing 864 published articles, the American Academy
   of Sleep Medicine recommends 10 to 13 hours, including naps, at ages 3 to 5
   and 9 to 12 hours at ages 6 to 12, and links regularly sleeping less with
   attention, behavior, and learning problems, which is why sleep is first on
   the list below. Source: Paruthi and colleagues, Journal of Clinical Sleep
   Medicine, 2016. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27707447/

## When to call your pediatrician instead

Talk to your pediatrician if your child is hard to wake most mornings or
regularly sleeps less than the hours above, if the fights come with stomachaches
or dread on school days, or if teachers see the same trouble getting started at
school. Those are a doctor's questions. This page is parenting consultation, not
therapy and not a diagnosis.

## 15 minutes, free

Tell me what's going on, and I'll tell you how I can help. https://yourfamilytools.com/contact