# My child melts down every time we go to the store. What do I do?

> Store meltdowns that come back every trip run on payoff: when the scene ends
> with candy, the next one gets bigger. The fix, the research behind it, and
> when to call the pediatrician. Alexis Davis, LICSW, parenting consultation,
> Medford MA and Greater Boston; video across Massachusetts. Free 15-minute
> call: (339) 545-1005.

Markdown version of https://yourfamilytools.com/answers/tantrums-in-public -- see /llms.txt for the site map.

Halfway down the cereal aisle, it starts: the screaming, the flop to the floor,
every head in the store turning to look. So you hand over the candy to make it
stop. You're not failing, and your child isn't a monster. This is very fixable.

## What the scene is doing

A store is full of things your child wants and has nothing for them to do. When
a meltdown ends with the treat, your child learns that the bigger the scene, the
better it works. With strangers staring, any parent reaches for whatever stops
it fastest.

## Decide before you go

The fix starts at home, not at the checkout. You decide calmly, ahead of time,
what the trip looks like and what happens if it falls apart, so you aren't
improvising in front of an audience. Whatever happens in the aisle, the scene
doesn't pay off. We work out what that looks like for your family in our
sessions.

## Notice the good stretches

Most trips have calm minutes: riding in the cart, helping find the milk, waiting
in line. Those minutes usually get none of your attention, and the meltdown gets
all of it. Turn that around. I have two boys, and I know the feeling of every
eye in the checkout line on you. You'll hold steady more easily when your week
has room for you too: a walk with a friend, an hour alone.

## Why I do it this way

1. **A Triple P program built for shopping trips.** In a randomized trial with
   46 parents of 2- to 6-year-olds who acted up while shopping, a brief Triple P
   group reduced problem behavior and raised parents' confidence; the gains held
   at six months. Source: Joachim and colleagues, Child Psychiatry and Human
   Development, 2010.
   https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19633952/
2. **Why noticing the good works.** In two experiments with nearly 300 children
   aged 3 to 9, teaching parents to praise what went right raised cooperation,
   and two weeks of praise cut disruptive behavior. Source: Leijten and
   colleagues, Behaviour Research and Therapy, 2016.
   https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27665415/
3. **Most tantrums are normal; some are a doctor's question.** In 1,490
   preschoolers, over 8 in 10 had tantrums sometimes but only 8.6% had them
   daily; the tantrums that signaled a bigger problem were unpredictable,
   prolonged, or destructive. Source: Wakschlag and colleagues, Journal of Child
   Psychology and Psychiatry, 2012.
   https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22928674/

## When to call your pediatrician instead

Talk to your pediatrician if meltdowns come far more often or last far longer
than other children's their age, come out of nowhere, or turn destructive; if
every busy, noisy place overwhelms your child; if anyone gets hurt; if your
child loses skills they had; or if you have questions about their development.
Those are a doctor's questions. This page is parenting consultation, not therapy
and not a diagnosis.

## 15 minutes, free

Tell me what's going on, and I'll tell you how I can help. https://yourfamilytools.com/contact